Here is an objective model for individuals in an IS Marriage...
1. They are focused on HAVE and DO.
2. They focus on appearance to God (They attempt to hide stuff from God).
3. They are at Relationship or less with God (They don't talk about God to other people).
4. They feel satisfied with being at Relationship with their spouse.
5. They see Sex is a CAUSE (One of the radio talk show hosts thought the reason New York's former Governor went to a prostitute is because his wife wasn't very good at sex!)
6. They attack their spouse.
(This is known as "the honeymoon is over", "the rough spot", "finding out who you REALLY married"...Things are going to happen to the couple from the outside. The Governor who replaced New York's former Governor had a press conference on his first day so he and his wife could admit to mutual affairs years ago. They stated that it was during the rough spot that EVERY marriage hits and they decided to keep it together for the kids. Things are going to happen to the spouses individually from the outside. Things are going to happen between the spouses. If the spouses LOVE, then they will realize they owe their spouse and they won't take a value. ATTACKING your spouse is BREAKING YOUR VOW to LOVE! There is NO excuse for NOT loving your spouse! Sure you can repent, etc. But for pastors and teachers to say it is NORMAL to attack your spouse AND EVEN JOKE ABOUT IT is PROVING their lack of understanding. To then tell people they CAN'T get divorced because they CAN'T break their vows is HYPOCRITICAL! There is NO place in the Bible where attacking your spouse is "to be expected".)
7. Find paradise outside of marriage
(Ask someone about when they hit the "rough spot" in their marriage. Then ask them how they got over it. Better yet, ask them when they REALLY got into their #1 activity. People hit the rough spot in the marriage and either divorce or find an activity outside of marriage that becomes their "paradise"...and the marriage becomes appearance so that they can do the thing they really want to do.)
WHENEVER sex is treated as a purely physical act it has become a CAUSE. You will see it EVERYWHERE. Just listen to today's hit songs...they may as well change the lyrics to "Sex is a CAUSE...Sex is a CAUSE..."
We have seen WHY today's view of "marriage" is flawed: it is based on Relationship. If you know me, you know that I tell people: If you are going to point out what is wrong, you better have a solution...or all you are doing is whining.
Next week we will look at the solution: OUGHT Marriage...
The first topic in next week's discussion is Sex OUGHT to be an EFFECT.
If you are just joining this thread, here is an outline of the posts.
We started by looking at the CAUSE of THE ACTS CHURCH.
We found one of them was Fellowship.
In order to understand how badly we have missed God's intentions, we discussed a measuring tool called OUGHT vs. IS.
In order to work our way to understanding marriage, we covered the following topics:
Beauty vs. Attraction
Sex and Marriage (Our Society)