How To Have Sex With THE Fantasy Woman

In the previous post, we saw HOW the traditional church actually encourages "IS Fantasy Sex". Our summary was:

SUMMARY
The male desires to have sex with THE fantasy woman and all the traditional church is able to do is:
1) PREVENT him from being with his fantasy woman (by encouraging him to pursue IS instead of OUGHT) and
2) ensure the sex he is currently having with his wife becomes MORE Unprofitable over time.

We defined "fantasy woman" as "The Woman that a Man NEVER gets bored of having sex with or just spending time with."

What is the solution?

I have helped many males deal with this problem. Today, we will look at the Profitable solution. We will see HOW a male is able to have sex with THE fantasy woman! Like yesterday, we must begin with a warning:

WARNING: Today's and tomorrow's posts cover mature subject manner. Parental discretion is advised...


HOW TO HAVE SEX WITH THE FANTASY WOMAN
The solution is to recognize that the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual are Causes!

If the man focuses on getting to know the woman better...focuses on her Mentally, Emotionally, and Spiritually, then the Effect will be that she will become MORE attractive to him over time. The Physical will be the Effect. This is HOW a man can NEVER get bored of being with THE Fantasy Woman.

Notice, this doesn't mean that ANY woman can be a male's fantasy woman. The male must first determine if he is Profitable with the woman, which is the focus of this month's Series.

This month's Series began with five reference posts. Posts that formed a foundation for helping us determine the Profitability of Men WITH Women.

We spent one week looking at HOW Men OUGHT to be WITH Women, from OUGHT Dating through OUGHT Sex.

Notice, getting to know another person deeply (Mentally, Emotionally, and Spiritually) is Fellowship. If BOTH people are in Fellowship with God, then they can have Three Way Fellowship which is guided by love, grace, and Profitability...three benefits that can go on for eternity! This is the OPPOSITE of yesterday's post...

Yesterday, we covered IS Fantasy Sex. Basically, the male makes the Physical the Cause...he is horny. He wants to make Sex a Cause. It is at this point that the male is fully convinced that the woman he desires is the most beautiful woman in the world and he is supremely attracted to her. He can't imagine EVER NOT desiring her.

However, it is just the flesh talking. Once the male has sex as a Cause, the Physical is satisfied...the Cause is removed. Consequently, this is the reason why the male suddenly wants to remove himself from the presence of the female immediately after sex. He wants to get something to eat, watch TV, or go to sleep. He is out of Causes. In the trees of his brain, his conclusion becomes: she must NOT have been beautiful enough to keep him interested, because he is now bored with her. More is NOT always better.

(Throughout this post, I will refer to the trees in the brain. Here are two posts that will help with background: First Feedback Loop and Second Feedback Loop.)

However, if the Man makes the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual the Cause, the Physical is the Effect. Once the Effect is gone, he still has the Causes! In fact, he can focus even MORE on the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual aspects of the woman...AND these Causes are sustainable!

These Causes can go on forever...kind of like the Meaning of Life!

Women are the opposite of males when it comes to sex. Women's bodies produce oxytocin AFTER touching. This chemical causes the woman to feel a TANGIBLE connection with the male. This is WHY when a male suddenly wants to leave after sex, the woman can't understand WHY the man would want to leave. She is just beginning to feel the Effects of sex...and she thinks the male feels the same thing. However, the overwhelming majority of men feel NOTHING.

Studies have shown that males feel the Effects of oxytocin if they are on heroin! I tell males that if they touch a woman and she likes it, then they have the equivalent of a heroin addict on their hands. Literature, TV, movies, songs, etc. document these examples of women obsessed and doing ANYTHING to be with a male they have had sex with. Basically, males have this feeling before sex, while women have this feeling after sex.

Gary Thomas corrected me and said men have this same ability to experience oxytocin after sex. The research I've read stated that few men actually experience the same level of attachment after sex from oxytocin that women feel. I believe the few Men who are able to feel this same Effect do so because they are making the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual aspects the Cause...and the percentage of men who do this is very small.

Yesterday's post began by stating that:


Males KNOW that Women focus them. In fact, all a Man really wants is: to have sex with THE fantasy woman. This would remove all the noise from his thought process.

Notice, I write "THE" fantasy woman because a Man does NOT desire to have sex with MANY females. His TRUE desire is for ONE Woman...THE fantasy woman. What is the definition of "fantasy woman"?

Fantasy Woman - The Woman that a Man NEVER gets bored of having sex with or just spending time with.

An example of this is when a male states: "If I was married to Angelina Jolie, I'd never get tired of having sex with her."

This is a subtle point, but eternity is A Groom (Jesus) and A Bride (Church) spending ALL Their time together. God has built into ALL of us a desire to NOT get tired of community. This is OUGHT. This is PROOF of Profitability. There is no finish line.


Before you think this is an oversimplification or that this isn't godly, look at the Bible. The Meaning of Life is: God the Father providing a Bride (Church) for His Son (Jesus). I haven't written about this numerous times. The last summary of this perspective occurred in the opening paragraphs of a post called, "The System". Here is an excerpt:


If you haven't noticed, I am a problem solver and I do it through modeling. There is a specific framework to solve every problem and a specific framework to present every problem and solution. Here is how I view the Bible...

From the beginning, there are three Persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Each of these Persons is unique AND God...each Person's Nature is Right and Just.

Here is the first question to ponder: Are these three Persons able to exchange value in a manner that makes EVERYONE profitable?

(Remember, this is a Friday post and we are taking the Biggest View possible. You have all weekend to go through this post. You may want to take the rest of the day to meditate on your answer to THAT question because it is a mind-blower...)

How can two people (let alone three) who value things EXACTLY the same, exchange value in a manner that both people become more profitable?

It is IMPOSSIBLE...

The ONLY way it could be possible is if one of the three becomes something less than perfect and one or both of the other two help Him attain His previous position...however, I don't believe ANY of these three Persons can become something less in Their initial state...before ANYTHING else was created.

So, what do we have? These three Persons are "Not Unprofitable". They are NOT going to become "Unprofitable"...and they are NOT going to become "Profitable". Before we go any further, if your amygdala is firing, take a deep breath and realize we have NOT said ANYTHING "bad" about the Trinity. I haven't said they are "lacking"...actually, I stated they are NOT lacking...which is what makes it IMPOSSIBLE for Them to gain through ONLY interacting with each Other.

What if their objective became to be "Profitable"? How would they do it...

OBJECTIVE: Be "Profitable" interacting with each Other.

ISSUE: Each of these Persons lacks nothing and can't interact in Their uniqueness with each Other.

SOLUTION: Create a Being that would interact with each Member of the Trinity in a unique fashion and is able to give each Member something They don't possess and can't get any other way.

Notice, I'm not saying that this Being would give each Member of the Trinity something They NEED...the Trinity is self-sufficient and needs nothing. However, the Trinity can have WANTS...the Trinity can desire something MORE (profitability). (Again, if you need to take a rest, you have all weekend to process this Biggest of Views and it will really clear up your thought processes...)

What kind of companion could the Trinity WANT? Let me put it another way...what kind of Being would these three "Males" WANT?

The Sequel has been available for almost a year. If any of what follows bothers you, I highly suggest reading the Sequel to see all the Biblical proof for what I'm about to state: Men are made to protect. Women are made to give life (profitability). (The Sequel explains that angels are always male because their role is to protect.) The BEST men can hope for through their interactions over the Long Term is to be "Not Unprofitable". It takes a woman to make a community "Profitable" in the Long Term...

METHOD: If this Being was a Bride for the Son, then all three Persons could interact with Her uniquely and facilitate each of the three Persons' ability to be profitable with each Other!

The Holy Spirit would inhabit the Bride and take direction from the Father on how the Bride OUGHT to relate to the Son. The Father would be providing a Wife to His Son and gaining a Daughter-in-law. The Son would be...well, in the Sequel, I state it like this:

“Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)

What joy was set before Him? Heaven?

He was already in Heaven! He came down from Heaven! The joy that was set before Him has to be more than Heaven! We now know that Jesus is the Groom and that the joy that is set before Him is a wedding supper…it is a Bride!

We saw that God’s purpose was to make this Bride…a “person” who can bring joy to Jesus…a “person” of equal stature. Why will the Bride be able to give Jesus anything, let alone “joy”? Remember this passage from the chapter 2 on dispensations:

“And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.” (Genesis 11:6)

This passage, showing the only community that occurred before the Law, proves we as the Bride (church) will be able to do anything we imagine if we are one, have one language, and imagine it together. That community in Genesis 11 focused on the physical because they did it without God. Imagine what a community of believers can do if they are one and have God flowing through them. This is not only true in Heaven, but on earth as well!

God gave us church as the ultimate community based on Fellowship…the one community all of us could be a part of…but it requires us to exchange value with others in our uniqueness. It requires us to operate in our spiritual ARE...to have God flow through us (grace).

What limits the profitability of the church? Lack of: Fellowship, uniqueness, freedom, knowing God’s Nature, understanding of who God made us to be, grace, understand God’s Will and how it occurs, growth, contrastive thinking, non-contradiction,...basically, we embrace man-made tradition instead of God’s Word.

Remember, Jesus’ Nature is Right and Just. These are the causeless principles. Jesus has all the profitable effects because He has the causes. He is perfect.

None of the people who make up the Bride have Right and Just in their ARE. The Bride is made up of people who have effects. Actually, the Bride is made up of all the effects! That is how the Bride can be seen as excellent by the Groom! The Bride can become perfect.

Make no mistake about this: God intended marriage and church to be paradise. Jesus will get joy from the Bride. This is a joy that comes from outside of Jesus. This joy is OUGHT. Now we can see how the world actually endorses IS joy.

OUGHT Joy: Value from another who is eager and willing to give (love).
IS Joy: Value from yourself
IS Joy: Value taken from someone who is not eager and willing to give

OUGHT Joy only has one requirement: love. All you can do is focus on giving. If the person to whom you are giving is moral, they will love…they will be eager and willing to give back. This is the opposite of controlling.

(Excerpt from "The System")


We have seen that Jesus is the Ultimate Man. He was focused on the Causes regardless of the Effects. In fact, He didn't respond emotionally to the Causes that He supplied. Jesus didn't celebrate when He did a healing. He didn't jump up and down or yell praises. Jesus also didn't get depressed when people came against Him...to the point of trying to kill Him! Jesus was "even keel" when it came to His own Causes...like a Man OUGHT to be. (Jesus did express emotions in RESPONSE to other peoples' Causes.)

However, Men OUGHT to supply their Causes to a Woman. She in turn OUGHT to create Profitable Effects from these Causes and direct them back towards the Man. THEN the Man OUGHT to celebrate these Effects...NOT before they are supplied by the Woman. Is this WHY Jesus didn't celebrate His Causes? Is THIS the "joy" that Jesus endured the cross for? Is Jesus looking towards the day He will be able to express His feelings resulting from His Causes?

The ENTIRE Bible presents the truth that a male's number one desire is to be with THE Fantasy Woman...the woman that he NEVER gets tired of being with. The Woman who can create Profitable Effects from his Causes. This is ONLY able to be accomplished when the male focuses on the Causes. HOW does a male know when he has TRULY focused on the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual aspects of the woman as Causes?

When the male has TRULY planted a tree in his brain representing THE Fantasy Woman in terms of her Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual personality, then she becomes the Physical standard! Here is an excerpt from Modeling God's Wills explaining this:


Having said that, this next point applies to all men who are married or in the process of getting married: pornography will ultimately undercut your desire for your spouse.

When a man views pornography, he is taking one aspect of the image and making it the standard...then rating his "love interest" against this image that emphasizes the physical. For example, he may look at a picture of a woman with a flat stomach and think, "My wife/girlfriend doesn't have a stomach like that...I wish she did." And this continues with other images.

Eventually, the real woman that he can experience in all four areas is being valued in one area (physical) against a series of images that may or may not be real...and the man begins to lose his desire for the real woman...all because the physical became the cause.

The objective standard for "desire from God for the real woman" is that she becomes his standard. For example, he may at first see a woman walking down the street with "perfect legs". However, when the man looks away, he finds himself thinking (without trying), "She has really nice legs, however, they aren't like the real woman that I'm with...and I'm glad."

To the men: When your wife/girlfriend becomes your standard without any effort on your part, then you have achieved that desire for her that only comes from God.

(Excerpt from Chapter 16-5 of Modeling God's Wills)


When this occurs, the man is attracted to THE Fantasy Woman...which is different than Beauty. Attraction can GROW indefinitely even when THE Fantasy Woman becomes less "beautiful"! Here is an excerpt from Modeling God's Wills explaining this:


Attraction is defined as "an invisible power within a body by which it draws anything to itself".

Attraction deals with the invisible power within the body...the Spiritual. This is something that can grow. This is OUGHT, because it is something we can DO.

Since attraction is based on the Spiritual, it can be perfect...it can become better regardless of how the outside looks. How is that possible?

My background is formulating consumer products: Joy dishwashing liquid, Liquid Tide laundry detergent, Shout!, Spray 'n Wash, Purex, etc. Each of these products have numerous attributes...well over 50. They clean different stains in different conditions. They have different stability profiles. They look, smell, pour, and feel different. They have different packages.

One of the toughest things to change about the product is the package. If you change it too much, people don't have the same attachment (attraction) to the product.

When I would interview consumers who have used a product for years, it was like listening to a romance. The person had been through a lot with the product. The person was attracted to the entire product (within) and their attraction to the product had grown over time. However, what represented the product was its appearance (body). When a person saw the appearance, even if it was out of date and old fashion looking, the attraction was there.

The cause was the profitability of the entire experience (within). The effect was attraction to the package...even if the package (body) wasn't beautiful!

Beauty (IS) fades with repeated encounters. Attraction (OUGHT) increases with repeated positive encounters because as a person gets more experience and understanding of the entire product (within) it changes and improves...

...the appearance (body) represents the profitability of the entire being (within): a being that you can't get bored with because it is constantly changing.

Beauty is the same as liking a product because of its package.

Attraction is the same as liking a product because of all the profitable encounters you’ve had with it…

…and the package makes you feel good because it reminds you of the profitable experiences.

It reminds you of what you receive and have received. If you are moral, it causes you to want to pay back…to love your spouse. Attraction would lead you to never attack your spouse mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually.

(Excerpt from Chapter 13-3 of Modeling God's Wills)


When it comes to helping males go from IS TO OUGHT, we saw the first step is to take emotional risk with a woman. This was covered in a very popular post on this blog: "Masculinity and Pornography". Again, we are ultimately talking about Fellowship.

However, in the male's brain, he may have numerous trees representing women that make the Physical a Cause. HOW does the male make sure the next woman is represented by a tree representing the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual? One of the techniques I have explained to males is controversial AND it works. However, before we address this, let's look at what one of my favorite authors wrote in one of my favorite books.

CS Lewis in "Mere Christianity":

"There is none of our impulses which the Moral Law may not sometimes tell us to encourage. It is a mistake to think that some of our impulses - say mother love or patriotism - are good, and others, like sex or the fighting instinct, are bad."

"Strictly speaking, there are no such things as good and bad impulses. Think once again of a piano. It has not got two kinds of notes on it, the 'right' notes and the 'wrong' ones. Every single note is right at one time and wrong at another."


CS Lewis shows that stating an impulse/action as "ALL the time bad" or "ALL the time good" is misguided. This is the same as putting the burden of The Law on people. We are NOT under The Law. Sin is NOT the Effect...it is NOT the Action. Sin is the Cause...the REASON for the Effect.

People who state that sin is an objective action that ALWAYS applies to EVERYONE regardless of the REASON behind the action are disagreeing with God's Word. (If a person disagrees with this statement AND they want to agree with God's Word, they will read the post, "What is Sin?")

So what impulse am I concerned with in this post? Masturbation.

I have received A LOT of questions about masturbation because there is A LOT of confusion. There are A LOT of contradictory explanations. Some pastors and ministries say masturbation is ALWAYS WRONG...and then state it is okay for a husband to masturbate while he is traveling and away from his wife for SOME period of time. Huh?!?!?

Masturbation is NOT mentioned in the Bible. However, that doesn't stop some pastors and ministries from attempting to say that masturbation falls under "fornication". In yesterday's post, I wrote:

"When a male views pornography, the ONLY thing he can value is an image. We have seen this is fornication...committing idolatry...giving one's self to an image. As we saw in Modeling God's Wills, whether a person worships a god other than God or has sexual intercourse (Mentally or Physically) with an image, it is covenantal. Fornication is covenantal."

Let me be perfectly clear: masturbating AND imagining intercourse with someone other than your spouse is fornication. In fact, it is ADULTERY. In fact, according to the Bible (Mark 10:12), a wife has a Biblical basis for putting away (and divorcing) her husband ACCORDING TO GOD if he is masturbating and imagining having sex with another woman!

I have read some amazing rationalizations about this...

One author used a passage from Jesus (Matthew 5:21-22) saying that we are guilty of murder in God's Eyes when we call our brother an idiot...however, the government does NOT put us in jail for doing this...SO, even though Jesus says we commit adultery when we look on a woman with lust (Matthew 5:27-28), we shouldn't be allowed to divorce for committing THIS TYPE of "adultery". Basically, the author uses the government as the standard (over God) in the murder example in order to use the government over God in the adultery example to prevent divorce...yet the government doesn't PREVENT divorce! Talk about contradictions.

People love to criticize an non-contradictory explanation that makes them uncomfortable. They usually do this by appealing to man-made doctrine or culture OVER God's Word. However, these same people NEVER offer a solution or allow YOU to question THEIR solution. That's because their answer would fall apart immediately after asking two questions. These people are hypocrites...they hold you to a higher standard than they hold themselves. Be careful around people who can only tear down other people AND cannot offer a solution that stands up to the same level of criticism. Ask yourself: "What is their objective?" Is their goal to HELP someone OR justify themselves? Justifying one's self is the Original Sin and the same attribute as the Pharisees who created The System that unjustly killed Jesus...all the while these people thought they were doing God's work!

I have seen this with people criticizing me about the Bible's definition of sin: "whatsoever is done apart from faith" (Romans 14:23). The Bible clearly states that sin is dependent on the reason (circumstances): James 4:17, I Corinthians 8:4-13, I Corinthians 10:23-33, etc. Yet, people will appeal to tradition or APPEARANCE and declare that sin is according to The Law. However, Romans 7:5-6 say we have been discharged from The Law. People will declare God is Wrong in SEVERAL verses of the Bible in order to justify themselves! ALWAYS ask a person WHY they believe a specific action is sinful in and of itself.

The REASON masturbation is sinful is because it is done while imagining having sexual intercourse with someone else. What if it was done WITHOUT imagining having sexual intercourse? What if it was done while imagining the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual aspects of the woman?

I have helped males go from OUGHT Dating through OUGHT Sex. When the topic of masturbation comes up for males going through this OUGHT process, they are confused on HOW to deal with the intense Physical attraction they are feeling for the woman.

They are focusing on the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual aspects. The woman is becoming more attractive to them. They are directing that energy back towards her focused on the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual...and THAT is "growing the tank". However, they have this impulse to masturbate, but they don't want to imagine sex with her (attach Unprofitable feelings to her) AND they don't want to imagine sex with someone else. What are they to do?

I tell them that if they are going to masturbate, they OUGHT to focus on those Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual moments that have increased her attractiveness. Notice, they haven't seen her naked, in fact, they haven't even touched her yet. They don't have ANY memories related to sex with her. So, masturbating as an Effect of the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Causes are ENTRENCHING the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual aspects on the tree that represents her in his brain.

By all accounts, this is a difficult thing to do...especially if the male is use to masturbating to a Physical image. However, this process works. It causes the male to plant a tree that is in a completely different part of the forest in the male's brain. This is a tree that is made up of the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual aspects of the woman and ONLY has Profitable feelings attached to it. In fact, the male may need a year at Fellowship without touching in order to get his brain to value the Causes instead of the Effects. This is OUGHT.

Instead, we have IS. Like the conclusions we saw from yesterday's post that are an Effect of what most pastors and ministries are stating:

YESTERDAY'S SUMMARY
The male desires to have sex with THE fantasy woman and all the traditional church is able to do is:
1) PREVENT him from being with his fantasy woman (by encouraging him to pursue IS instead of OUGHT) and
2) ensure the sex he is currently having with his wife becomes MORE Unprofitable over time.


TODAY'S SUMMARY
The ONLY way to be with THE Fantasy Woman is to recognize the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual aspects are the Causes. The Ultimate way to do this is to be growing in Fellowship with a spouse who is in Fellowship with God.

Masturbation can be a method to get the male's brain to convert from valuing the Physical as the Cause to valuing the Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual aspects as the Causes.

Tomorrow, we will begin the conclusion of this month's Series with the biggest PROOF that a couple has OUGHT Marriage...

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