Today is the conclusion of our Series on "Men WITH Women". Here are the links to the first two installments:
Control of Freedom?
Control or Freedom? (Part II)
Yesterday, we covered HOW the traditional church actually encourages spouses to control mates by turning their WANTS and DESIRES into an EXPECTATION and a REQUIREMENT...and this is ACTUALLY an encouragement to look outside the marriage for the indescribable feeling God had intended for us to CONTINUALLY get from WITHIN the marriage!
This is HOW we concluded the previous post:
When two people become attracted to each other, they get a high that is indescribable. The CAUSE is that each person knows the other person WANTS to be with them. This results in an exhilarating feeling. So what is our man-made response to this feeling? Try to control it!
We desire to have this feeling, so we attempt to require the other person to keep doing what they had WANTED and CHOSEN to previously do…and the second we put this control and expectation on the attraction, we actually drain the Profitability from the attraction! We now don’t know if the person actually WANTS to be with us or HAS to be with us. The ONLY way to maintain that indescribable high is to not put any expectations or control on each other.
Think about it: the minute these two people view Marriage as an expectation or a source of control, ANY attraction from someone outside the marriage results in a greater feeling than what is experienced within the marriage! That is WHY people commit sexual sin outside of their marriage! The traditional church's Right-Wrong solution (control) actually encourages sexual sin!
How many times have you heard of two people living together for years, only to get divorced shortly after they got married? Is the “fear of commitment” that some people feel ACTUALLY coming from God? Said another way, Is God ACTUALLY telling people NOT to REQUIRE commitment from each other?
What OUGHT to happen?
Today, we will conclude this Series by answering this question...
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yesterday's post had an excellent question by "dagney37". I answered her question, but I have incorporated the answer into today's post BECAUSE of her comment. Again, please feel free to comment on the posts. I am not perfect and have found the best way to grow is through CONSIDERING the thoughts and opinions of others. When you comment and it causes me to expound on an area that I hadn't previously dealt with, you have a share in the Profitability that results in the lives of others who are helped by that information. Also, I have explained this before, but it bears repeating: half my ARE (who God made me to be) is "vision"...I see the Big Picture. I do NOT get into details very well. When people ask me for details, they are drawing on God THROUGH me. I see myself being squished into my shoes so that God has more room to flow through me. When God flows THROUGH me, I am learning AT THE SAME TIME. So I am just as thankful (and usually more so) that the person asked the question. I need people to pull information THROUGH me...and I am very grateful for the people who take the time to do this.
The two previous posts essentially summarized this month's Series. Those posts have shown the differences in the Causes between the two strategies. Today's post will identify the SPECIFIC differences in the Effects between the two strategies.
CONTROL OR FREEDOM? (CONCLUSION)
If two people progress towards Marriage in an OUGHT fashion, God will be a part of the covenant because BOTH people are in Fellowship with God. Both people are encouraging the other person to go HOT after God FIRST, because they know that God will direct their spouse back towards them with energy and insight that ONLY God possesses! We called this Three Way Fellowship.
This is the first main difference between the two paths. The IS Strategy results in two people who see marriage as "hard work". The OUGHT Strategy results in two people who see marriage as a continual source of joy. We called this a "paradisiacal marriage".
The ONLY "work" each spouse is doing is the First Command...seek ye first the kingdom of God...love the Lord thy God...this is a CAUSE. The EFFECT is the Second Command...love your neighbor...with the #1 neighbor being the spouse. If BOTH people are in Fellowship with God AND encouraging the other spouse to be in Fellowship with God, the Effect will be God supplying HUGE amounts of energy to be directed TOWARDS the spouse! This is NOT "work"!
Think about it this way, whenever the spouses are interacting, God is VERY present. Remember, the Marriage Covenant is a community. It is made up of three members: two spouses and God. If God weren’t present and active, then God would be the weak link in this covenant. Do you think God is the weak member in the Marriage Covenant?
Actually, God is the strongest link, which means God would CONSTANTLY be telling each spouse how to relate to the other! God would be CONSTANTLY supplying energy and directing each spouse towards each other! Do people REALLY think they can be the strongest member of their Marriage Covenant?...stronger than God?
Each spouse would have one ear to their spouse and one ear to God. First of all, this means that God would tell the person HOW to SPECIFICALLY relate to their spouse in the SPECIFIC situation. When spouses relate to each other out of habit or in their flesh it is a work and will ALWAYS be something less than HOW God would tell them to relate to each other. I have received numerous testimonials about HOW a person asked God HOW to relate to their spouse INSTEAD of consulting a list of options supplied by marriage "experts"...and HOW it led to revelation about their spouse and a deepening of their love for each other. Does the list of activities that marriage "experts" present work better than HOW God would tell you to relate to your spouse?
Besides, the energy that each person would feel for their spouse because God is flowing through them toward each other would make ANYTHING they could feel for ANY other person of the opposite sex seem miniscule! WHY would someone who gets the greatest feeling because God is flowing through them, intentionally choose to waste their time focusing on someone outside the marriage?
Yesterday, we covered this Six Step Progression. We called it the OUGHT Strategy:
1. Progress from Interaction to Fellowship.
2. Remain at Fellowship for at least one year without touching
3. Touch as an Effect of sharing more Mentally, Emotionally, and Spiritually
4. Determine if both are mutually progressing to intercourse
5. Share EVERYTHING you are aware of
(This ensures a person is NOT committing idolatry and fornication when they get married because getting married without knowing your spouse intimately Mentally, Emotionally, and Spiritually is actually giving yourself to an image.)
6. Intercourse - Marriage Covenant
Look at this progression in terms of the ULTIMATE Marriage: The Groom and The Bride!
JESUS AND THE CHURCH
We saw that Steps 1-3 were dating.
Jesus’ time on earth was Him “dating” the Bride. He focused on getting to know the Bride better and encouraged us to get to know Him better. When people state that Jesus didn’t date while He was on earth, they are proving their lack of understanding of the Meaning of Life!
Jesus never spoke of controls or expectations. When we WANT and CHOOSE to go HOT after God, it is a feeling God can’t get ANYWHERE else! Why did God give us “free will”? So that God could experience the MOST exhilarating feeling possible!
The Bride is the new Jerusalem...which is called the tabernacle of God...which is called the House of God. The Church inhabits the new Jerusalem. The members of the Church essentially make up every cell in the Body of the Bride. Every cell will be made up of believers who chose Jesus over the world. Said another way, every cell in the Body of the Bride will desire Jesus! Jesus will KNOW that every cell in the Bride's Body DESIRES Him.
Yesterday, we saw that Step #4 is the engagement...the decision to progress towards Step #6 which would be the Marriage Supper of the Lamb!
In Modeling God's Wills, we saw that Jesus left us the Holy Spirit as “earnest”…as a token…as an engagement ring! We are currently engaged to the Groom! If you are "born from above", then you have taken Step #4!
We OUGHT to be focused on sharing EVERYTHING with the Groom through the Holy Spirit in anticipation of our wedding. We OUGHT to CURRENTLY be doing Step #5 which we have called Fellowship With God! This OUGHT to result in DESIRING to grow more in God...in God becoming MORE attractive to you! There is no finish line.
THE CHURCH ON EARTH
In fact, our focus OUGHT NOT be ONLY on the Groom (Marriage). We OUGHT to be focused on each other (Church)…after all, the Meaning of Life is Church and Marriage. God gave us church in order to generate the spiritual value to bring about God’s Will on earth as it is in Heaven. This means we OUGHT to be going through the same progression with people in church!
This means that EVERYONE OUGHT to be interacting with EVERYONE…including men with women who aren’t their wife AND women with men who aren’t their husband. This is Fellowship...which is one of the Causes of The Acts Church!
Here is OUGHT Church...
We OUGHT to:
- be at Fellowship with EVERYONE.
- love EVERYONE.
- become more attracted to EVERYONE.
- get more energy from EVERYONE.
Does the traditional church TRULY encourage this? The church is afraid spouses will commit sexual sin if they get to know someone of the opposite sex who is not their spouse. Consequently, the traditional church ACTUALLY hinders OUGHT Church.
If the church taught the information in this Series, they would not only have OUGHT Marriages in their church (which would result in the ability to bring about God's Will on earth as it is in Heaven), they would also have OUGHT Church (which would ALSO bring about God's Will on earth as it is in Heaven).
Males would learn to treat ALL Women the same. Today, males act as if there are three types of Women...
1. Women he is NOT Physically attracted to
2. Women he is Physically attracted to
3. The Woman he has sex with
Most males DON'T get to know #1, focus on getting to know #2, and DON'T get to know #3 because they are focused on having sex as a Cause with her.
The SECRET is to treat every woman the SAME...get to know ALL of them better.
Getting to know #1 better is difficult because males who focus on Effects don't see the reason. The reason is to practice getting to know a Woman Mentally, Emotionally, and Spiritually AS A CAUSE. Men focus on Causes regardless of the Effects.
Getting to know #2 better is difficult because the brain of the male wants to go to Effects...he wants to imagine having sex with her. This is actually the most difficult Woman to get to know because he has to have TWO abilities: the ability to focus on getting to know someone AND the ability to direct the Effects back into getting to know her. We saw in the OUGHT discussion that the ability to redirect the Effects actually "grows the tank" and makes OUGHT Marriage possible.
Getting to know #3 OUGHT to be the easiest, but males who focus on the Effects are impatient and see getting to know her as inefficient. THIS is hiding the KEY to OUGHT Marriage! Males who focus on Causes regardless of the Effects are MEN. Men who focus ONLY on getting to know their spouse Mentally, Emotionally, and Spiritually AS AN EFFECT of getting to know God better, are able to have Sex with their Fantasy Woman...and DON'T focus on Sex with ANY other Woman.
Isn't THAT the Effect the traditional church says they want to encourage? Doesn't the traditional church want MEN to focus ONLY on their wives?
WHY doesn't the traditional church teach males HOW to become MEN?
WHY doesn't the traditional church teach males SPECIFICALLY HOW to be in Fellowship with God?
WHY doesn't the traditional church encourage people to learn the information on this blog?
If the traditional church is NOT going to teach people HOW to achieve OUGHT, then the traditional church will teach people HOW to achieve IS.
If the traditional church is UNABLE to teach people HOW to be Profitable, then the best they can do is teach people HOW to be Not Unprofitable...and if people don't believe they can achieve Profitable, they will CELEBRATE being Not Unprofitable...they will CELEBRATE IS...and tell others that Not Unprofitable is God's Will for their lives. This PREVENTS people from being Profitable!
The ability to make it through this OUGHT Strategy doesn't guarantee you will have OUGHT Marriage BECAUSE it is possible to go through this process with someone whose ARE doesn't perfectly "mesh" with your own. The ARE is the KEY to OUGHT Marriage. The ARE is dealt with in detail in Modeling God. Here is a summary of Modeling God:
"Modeling God" shows specifically how to properly apply the Bible and hear from God in order to repair and eliminate our most destructive actions by getting to the specific cause of these behaviors.
Each of us gets our model of God from our perspective of our earthly father. Since no earthly father is perfect, each of us believes God is flawed. Also, God made each of us for a specific purpose, but because we don't know this purpose, each of us believes we can't intentionally experience true fulfillment while we are on earth. Ultimately, each of us tries to compensate for both of these beliefs (God is flawed and we aren't experiencing fulfillment) by rationalizing our own survival actions.
The first half of "Modeling God" explains specifically who God is, so that you can know WHY God is not flawed. The second half of "Modeling God" explains specifically how to determine your unique purpose so that you can know that you are capable of fulfilling the purpose for which God created you. We call this unique purpose "your ARE". The key is to intentionally get your flesh out of the way so God can flow through this unique purpose. This process involves four God-given principles that when used TOGETHER results in the individual's ability to die daily so that God can flow through the individual more often and more effectively. This process focuses on the causes. This feels uncomfortable to the flesh of people who have focused on their own survival actions (effects).
Today, a lot of "Christian" books and churches teach you how to rationalize and even reinforce these survival actions in yourself and others. These survival actions are manifestations of the flesh. Ultimately, what is being taught are methods focused on managing the effects of our two flawed beliefs (God is flawed and we are incapable of experiencing fulfillment).
However, people who read "Modeling God" WANT to read their Bible more often AND they hear from God more clearly and more often.
The key to doing the OUGHT Strategy is to focus on determining who you ARE (who God made you to be) and learning better who God made the other person to be, to see if you "mesh"...to see if you can be COMPLETELY Profitable through being who you both truly ARE (with God flowing through each of you towards the other person) WITHOUT ANY other source of energy (e.g., touching). "Mesh" means that the Profitability actually increases as you Share more Mentally, Emotionally, and Spiritually. When THIS is accomplished, THEN going through the OUGHT Strategy leads to OUGHT Marriage. This brings up a subtle point...
Finding an ARE that perfectly meshes RESULTS in patience!
I have seen that when two people KNOW their ARE's mesh, they are NOT in a rush to make it through the Six Step Progression. They KNOW that they are with someone who is RIGHT for them...and they KNOW they will eventually be together (because the other person is excellent and KNOWS they are perfect for the other person), so they KNOW they don't have to make anything happen (which leads to patience and freedom). They can COMPLETELY focus on getting to know each other better Mentally, Emotionally, and Spiritually. They aren't distracted by members of the opposite sex because the person they are with becomes their standard.
It is the couples that DON'T KNOW if they mesh that are NOT patient. WHY? Because they need to determine if they are RIGHT for each other or not. They don't want to waste their time with the wrong person. They need to find the person who is RIGHT for them. If they are NOT RIGHT for each other, staying together actually makes FOUR lives Unprofitable...theirs and the two people they each OUGHT to be with. So, one of the quickest ways to determine (from the outside) if people KNOW their ARE's mesh is if they are patient with this Six Step Progression.
Too many people set a timeframe to get married and then choose the "best available" candidate when their deadline arrives. Too many people touch WITHOUT knowing the other person Mentally, Emotionally, and Spiritually. ALL of this ACTUALLY hinders getting to know others...AND encourages people NOT to be patient.
We saw that males OUGHT to treat all Women the same. While we shouldn’t WORK to be different with ANYONE, we will end up being different with one person…the person that we get thousands of times more energy with than anyone else BECAUSE we share EVERYTHING with this person and they share EVERYTHING with us as an EFFECT of doing the First Command. This OUGHT to be THE SPOUSE.
The energy we get from this Fellowship BECAUSE God is flowing through us towards this person would result in an intimate physical expression that would be mind-blowing BECAUSE we are completely Open, Honest, and Vulnerable with this person. It would be Sex with our fantasy man/woman! All other sex would be a Cause and the resulting purely physical act would look immature next to Sex with our fantasy mate!
The Effect of this is that BOTH spouses ENCOURAGE each other to be in Fellowship with others...even people of the opposite sex. Each person makes their spouse available to others. People in OUGHT Marriage are Excellent. Excellent people KNOW the Cause of the Fantasy Sex they are having is an Effect of KNOWING their spouse WANTS and DESIRES to be with them. Each person KNOWS that giving their spouse COMPLETE FREEDOM is the ONLY way to KNOW that the REASON their spouse is with them is because they CHOOSE to be with them. This is difficult. The flesh fights this. The ONLY way to achieve this is to have God do it through you...to be in Fellowship With God. This requires the person to become MORE excellent...to pursue growth.
This also results in more confidence and security in the marriage. Each person knows WHY they are with the other person. They know WHY the other person would or wouldn't leave. They know HOW to continue to make the marriage the MOST Profitable experience in both of their lives.
This marriage would CONTINUALLY get better. Today, "Christian" authors say that marriage is great for 3-5 years, and then you have to work hard to hang on in an attempt to maintain that level. Did God intend for the best years of marriage to be at the beginning? Is our Marriage to Jesus in Heaven going to be great at the beginning and slowly fade? Are the first 3-5 years in Heaven going to be the best? We have seen that paradise is when every moment is the best...and this is ONLY possible if we grow in joy indefinitely. I believe God's Will is for us to have paradisiacal marriages on earth...marriages that CONTINUALLY get better over time. This is OUGHT Marriage.
I have seen people achieve OUGHT Marriage...and the most difficult thing becomes GROWING in this. WHY? Because people want to CONTROL this Effect. They think they have crossed a finish line and expect the Effect to continue regardless of the Causes. I know it sounds crazy, but achieving OUGHT Marriage is so OBVIOUSLY ahead of EVERYTHING else that is observed, the flesh wants to CELEBRATE.
People who achieve OUGHT Marriage got there because they focused on Fellowship With God. There is no finish line with Fellowship With God. Consequently, God will continue to direct MORE and MORE of the actions of the spouse. God will cause the spouse to rehearse losing their mate. God does this to see whom the person is TRULY focusing on. Just like God had Abraham OFFER Isaac to God...God CONTINUALLY asks the person to OFFER their spouse to God.
When the person takes their spouse for granted, this is PROOF they have an EXPECTATION. When the person treats their spouse as a HAVE (possession) and/or a DO (activity), this is PROOF of IS.
OUGHT Marriage is ONLY CONTINUALLY experienced by people who have NO expectations of their spouse AND people who relate to their spouse in their ARE. The ONLY way a person is able to do this is if it is God doing it THROUGH them. The ONLY way to achieve this Second Command EFFECT is to do the First Command CAUSE.
EVERYTIME a marriage "expert" tells a person HOW to DIRECTLY relate to their spouse, it is a work and the DEFINITION OF IDOLATRY.
Do you still wonder WHY the overwhelming majority of marriages that we witness today are NOT bringing glory to God?
Notice, God would also be flowing through us towards everyone we are in Fellowship with through the greater community (church), however, the frequency of the instructions from God toward each of these individual people is significantly less than what we would experience with the person in the smaller community (marriage) because there are many more people we are in Fellowship with in the greater community…and many more people also getting instructions from God for the same people.
Said another way, God is giving us orders of magnitudes MORE instructions for HOW to relate to our spouse than what God is giving us towards ANY OTHER ONE PERSON outside of marriage. If you are getting A LOT of direction from God towards a person outside your marriage (and ONLY that person), you OUGHT to consider this direction is coming from your flesh or the enemy.
Unfortunately, most people don’t know HOW to attain OUGHT, so WHAT they actually experience with their spouse is similar to what they experience with other people of the opposite sex…they get just as much direction and energy concerning their spouse as what they get for someone outside the marriage.
What happens when most people ask a Traditionalist (a person who holds to the man-made church traditions instead of the Bible) for help in their marriage?
Since we know we OUGHT to experience the MOST energy and attraction with our spouse, the ONLY way (HOW) Traditionalists believe to have the MOST energy with our spouse is to intentionally prevent interactions or hold back sharing with people of the opposite sex. This encourages the person to become LESS excellent...to rely on God LESS and their own ability MORE...which is idolatry.
Basically, the Traditionalist tells the person to limit the interaction with EVERYONE outside the marriage because the limited direction they are getting for their spouse HAS TO BE greater than the direction they get for anyone else. This results in Unprofitable Marriages…and Unprofitable Friendships.
The Meaning of Life is Church (Friendships) and Marriage. When people encourage us to make both of these Unprofitable, they are actually preventing God’s Will from happening on earth as it does in Heaven.
However, I leave the decision to you…
Control or Freedom?
Safe to be less excellent or Motivated to be more excellent?
Idolatry or Fellowship With God?
Works or Grace?
Which one is IS and which one is OUGHT?
Today, there is a new movement by pastors and “Christian” authors to make divorce even more difficult to attain by leaving it up to the church to decide who is allowed to divorce! The goal is to get the divorce statistics lower in the church than it is in the world. Think about it…the divorce statistics in the church are the same as the divorce statistics outside the church AND the church is already making it difficult to divorce. What would the statistics look like if church didn’t make divorce more difficult? The statistics would actually be WORSE inside the church than outside the church!
It looks as if attending church makes it MORE likely that you will WANT to divorce!
What will be the church's excuse when the divorce statistics get worse inside the church than outside the church?
Why would putting the decision as to whether a couple is able to get divorced in the hands of the church make sense when it is the church that doesn’t understand God’s doctrine of Marriage, the Meaning of Life, and Divorce? In fact, it appears that the church’s mishandling of these critical doctrines is ensuring that people will be more likely to have Unprofitable marriages!
What will people do when they realized that the very people they paid to teach them God's doctrines actually prevented them from being able to carry out God's Will on earth as it is in Heaven?...actually prevented them from experiencing what God intended church and marriage to be?
Please read Modeling God's Wills if you want more details about God's Word and Will.
Here are the benefits of doing the OUGHT Strategy...
SUMMARY OF BENEFITS
1. Three Way Fellowship
4. Paradisiacal Marriage
5. Fantasy Sex
6. Better Friendships
During this Series we saw the greatest aphrodisiac is an Effect of a Man teaching the Word of God to a Woman. To that end, I will begin a new Series on Monday meant to help those of you who would like to put this month's Series into practice. We will be going through a book of the Bible that I believe is the BEST book for a Man to teach to his Wife...